Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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