I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
