He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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