More tranny stories later!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
