Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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