i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
