I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
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Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
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I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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