I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
