one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
