I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize