well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
farters have to be the big spoon...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
