I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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