why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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