you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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