don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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