Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Congratulations! We have a period
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
