so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My bed smells like the plague
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
