So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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