He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
