READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
