We need to start having sex underwater more often.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
