I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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