Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
