Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
