Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
