I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
