I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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