I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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