The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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