I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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