I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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