I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
