i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just puked most of my soul out..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
