Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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