so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
