can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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