We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
