Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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