He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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