Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
