i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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