I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
