Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
literally had 100 drinks last night.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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