just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
