I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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