im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
