Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
