I only kidnapped one of them. chill
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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