I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
