The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
