The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
