Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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