She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my being single is dangerous.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
