I wish they made helmets for livers.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
