Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
