He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
