Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
