I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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