Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Randomize
