I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
