Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
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I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
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SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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