I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
