I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You're like the curious george of whores
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
