idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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