your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
