I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
