Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
