It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
