I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
