Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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