i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
