just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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