you traded sex for a burrito?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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