i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
