tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
