I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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