the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
