Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
