I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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