whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
