Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
